JT Machinima – One Helluva Pair Lyrics

[Intro]
Dispatch, we are in pursuit of two hostile fugitives
One immensely obese brute accompanied by a scrawny peg-legged minion
Now, we have attempted peaceful negotiations here, but-
Wait, what’s this?
We’re picking up something on another frequency
Let me patch it through…

[Junkrat]
They call me Junkrat
I’m a violent rodent
I never use guns, but I like explosives
I’ll stop the payload with my remote (click)
It’s good news when I say “I’ve blown it”
I’m always laughin’ ‘cuz I’m always jokin’
Swipe me right on Tinder because I’m smokin’ hot
Probably ‘cuz I’m a pyro
My hair’s on fire, if you need a light though
I think aiming is overrated
Dynamite bombs are all I play with
It’s a perfect day for mayhem
Got a couple traps and it’s time I lay them
I’ve always got a leg up, mate
Send ya sky high where the weather’s great
That’s a rap, now that you all know me
Show some love for my psycho roadie

[Roadhog]
Shut up, Rat
I’m sick of your voice

[Junkrat]
I’m paying you well, you’ve got no choice
I’m a demo expert, sorry if I’m a little wired

[Roadhog]
I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t hired
I live in the fast lane, I’m not a boar
I’m the hog that the pigs never caught before
With a mask that you’ll never see me take off
Like Leatherface, straight outta Texas Chainsaw
Heavyweigh champ, a wasteland hulk

[Junkrat]
I won’t fat shame you, no need to sulk

[Roadhog]
I’m not a fatass, I’m on a bulk, you know
Shut up, Mad Max, you’re in my Thunderdome
I’ll hop on my Harley, spread some anarchy

[Junkrat]
Fry these buggers like shrimp on the barbie

[Roadhog]
You mess with me, and I’ll ruin you worse
Than Junkrat just did to this verse

[Junkrat]
Oh, don’t take it so personally, Roadhog

[Roadhog]
You just have to ruin everything

[Junkrat]
Well, I’ll agree on that one!
Ha ha ha ha!

[Hook]
Counting down to detonation
Hold your ground, eradication
Look around, it’s devestation
Lay to waste all of creation
Light the fuse, lock and load
Hit the juice, we’re on the road
The Rat and the Hog, one hell of a pair
We’re still not friends, but we are getting there

[Roadhog]
Really? ‘Cuz this is hardly a start
You’re just an obnoxious body to guard

[Junkrat]
But the money we’re makin’, the riches we’re takin’
The bonds that we’ve made

[Roadhog]
And the friendship we’re faking?
You’re too loud and it’s pissin’ me off
You smell roadkill and it’s makin’ me cough

[Junkrat]
Fire in the hole! I just saved your ass

[Roadhog]
Oh. Damn
Thanks, I guess
Still without me, you would never win

[Junkrat]
And who’s gonna help you, one of your chins?

[Roadhog]
Ha ha ha, okay Rat, I’ll give ya that one

[Junkrat]
Look, I squeezed a laugh out of the fat one

[Roadhog]
Here, take a burger
Looks like you need it

[Junkrat]
Thanks, Roadie
I’m surprised you didn’t eat it
I’m only joking, you’re used to taking flak

[Roadhog]
Hold your breath if you’re taking cover at my back

[Junkrat]
Oh God, not the toxic fumes
That’s when the gas mask really comes in use

[Roadhog]
It’s for radiation and preventing infection
The stank you smell is my indigestion

[Junkrat]
I could light a match by your ass
We’d all be on fire this entire match

[Roadhog]
And while you pester us, the rest of us are workin’
You’re not a junkrat, you’re a worthless vermin

[Junkrat]
Through defenses I’m blowin’ holes
Who you gonna call for zone control

[Roadhog]
Fine, but if you’re gonna help, be quiet

[Junkrat]
Hey, what’s on your meal plan? I wanna try it

[Roadhog]
Double decker burgers, filet mignon
I’ll blow out your brains if you say bacon

[Junkrat]
I guess that that one hits close to home

[Roadhog]
A little too close
You don’t even know

[Interlude]
I remember a field where the piggies would graze
‘Till the Omnics came in and all our nation was razed
Just thinking of bacon is heartache
A piece of me died on that dark day
Now I’m back on the road with no family or friends
I ride my cycle alone I guess this is how it ends
But wherever you go, I will follow
I’ll be by your side if you want, so
When the rubble subsides and the debris sweeps away
I’ll look into your eyes and I’ll know what you’ll say
We’re a two-man army stirring up anarchy
All our foes will be fried up just like shrimp on the barbie
Hop on my Harley, I want you in my sidecar
They’ve taken my leg, but it was you who took my heart
In a totally platonic way
Well, yes, that goes without saying
This is sufficiently awkward
Let’s continue our rampage

[Outro]
Hey, Junkrat
What is it, you old bugger?
If you tell anyone about that
About what? Us singin’ and all?
I will kill you
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, mate
Lips are sealed

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